My dad: gone too soon

Im sorry

The day I died.

The dark secrets kept through death,

The ones that ruined life.

You walk through the musky grass of the fields.

The dirtiness of sweat beads down your face.

The smell is disgusting, and you at first think to wipe it off,

But then you reach the trench. As you do, an alarm blares.

Suddenly, the world erupts into fire and smoke.

The sound is deafening, the sight breathtaking.

Machine guns from your lines and the enemys fire.

They rip anything in the way to shreds, reducing wood to mere splinters.

A wave of enemies approaches your trench, but your squad opens fire and kills them.

The fighting lasts for a few minutes before the casualties of your own appear.

Your best friend lay beside you in a bloody heap,

Looking as poor and helpless as a little child.

Then it hits you: what is this for?

You will not be remembered as a hero, not a savior or saint.

Why are you doing this? Killing for nothing.

Kill or be killed? Thats what you tell yourself.

Your fear hides inside you as you take out another wave.

At any moment it may burst, taking control of your body.

You fight that fear as hard as you can, knowing what happens when you crack.

Then your commander orders you out. Your first wave attacks.

Just as your wave, your brother beside you, leave the trench,

An airplane flies by and the entire thing goes up in flames.

The sound is deafening, you may even go deaf.

The smoke is filling the air and tears form in your eyes.

Then your brother is shot, he falls to the floor.

He was gone, just like that, too fast for feeling.

You turn to flee, but a bullet strikes your leg.

You fall to the floor, the fear slowly taking place.

You lie on the floor, paralyzed in pain.

Only one hope stands for you and your men,

That some survived in the trench, and still fight the enemy the same as before.

But the hope is lost when a different explosion sounds,

And gas fills the air, sweeping straight to your battle line.

Your skin begins tingle, then it hurts.

It feels like an itch that hurts too bad not to scratch.

Tears form in your eyes; its getting too hard to see through the smoke.

Then the poisonous gas reaches your lungs, and you stop breathing altogether.

You know if you breathe out, you wont breathe again.

Your lungs are stuck in place; you cant breathe no matter how hard you try.

You close your eyes; the memories of your past come to life.

You enjoy the pleasant, and cry time and time again of the bitterness.

Your chest feel as if a brick lay on it, and the pain is too incredible to describe.

Then you exhale, the last of your life drains away,

And you feel your body getting lighter, like your soul is leaving your wounded body.

You know you wont be remembered just like everyone else,

So your last thought surely must be: why do we fight in a war?

There is too much pain and suffering for all.

Then there is no more pain, or stone.

No memories, no past, only the future is here.

You open your eyes to see the same little field.

No bodies are strewn across, no fires anywhere.

It is night; its warm, just perfect to you.

You walk across the field, stroking the grass, wishing you could stay there forever.

But you know you wont, so you just relax,

Then you fall asleep under the night sky, remembering the life that had just passed away.

You and I walked through the dark alley,

enjoying ourselves in a town near a gully.

A man came, he appeared out of nowhere,

he pulled out a gun and shot through the air

I jumped in the way of the flying death,

I could not bear to see your last breath.

I know you told me guns are dangerous,

now I know why as I lay in the grass.

I was able to save you now, but what about next time?

I wont be there, to protect you from crime.

Because now I lay on the floor bleeding,

Im dying, I know, because you sit there weeping.

The paramedics can do nothing but watch as I die on the floor,

but Ill be watching from heaven over you and many more.

You sit there and cry, but it wont bring me back,

Your face is now fading, all is turning black.

I cant wait to see,

if the gates of heaven open up for me.

I imagine you being taken my friend,

I try to black it out but it plays again.

I wish I could tell you that I love you,

But my mouth is filling with blood I can chew.

Im getting cold, even my arm is numb,

If you look close enough, you can see purple in my thumb.

I feel empty inside, because Ill be away from you,

The feeling of death is worse than feeling blue.

There is a sharp edge, like a knife in my back,

Ill never be able to rejoin the pack.

I saved you once, and Id do it again,

In a heartbeat, Id be there, to put the pigs in their pen.

Theres no more black, only light,

Im gonna die, I cant live though I try to with all my might.

I see an angel, it looks exactly like you,

Well never be apart, because my heart belongs to you.

Remember me, as I will you,

Ill be in your heart, as with the rest of the crew.

It is goodbye now, Im leaving to peace,

As you will too, when your life begins to cease.

On that morning, when your life is over, I know Ill see your face,

You will join me here in the land of grace.

Well be together in happiness once again,

But never can we, until then.

Freedom? What is that?

Perhaps it is something that a magician has in the hat?

Surely our freedom is not life,

The aches, the pains, to die by no more than a knife.

I look for an escape from left to right,

But there is no way out from the knifes sharp bite.

It digs in deeper, piercing my flesh and blood,

My blood then flows like that of a flood.

It burned then, like the fire on a grill,

My life had just begun to go uphill.

My entire left side went numb,

Yet I continued to wait for you to come.

Little did I know that you wouldnt be there,

Until its too late, then youre beside me, stroking my hair.

Your body burned with the heat of your passion,

Hotter than the fire, in your sense of fashion.

The knife then dug deeper, into the bone now,

Im gone already, I couldnt come back anyhow.

I look into your face, your tears streaking down the side,

The smoothness of its flow, more than all others could abide.

The burning heat then gets cold,

Colder than ice, with death as a mold.

I can see him now, the bringer of death,

He came rigidly, eager for my last breath.

I cannot look away, I try with my strength,

But the power is too strong, and even in length.

Suddenly flashes of visions came forward,

It was as if a door had been busted inward.

The visions were of life and death and many things,

And death carried me away gently, and on swift wings.

My spirit flies higher, getting further away,

I am dead now, I can no longer stay.

The line of the heart monitor is flat,

More solid than your metal baseball bat.

The people are now frantically running,

As if a swarm of bees had come in to sting.

You check my pulse but there is none,

I may have well been shot with a gun.

I dont even have a single heartbeat,

To stay alive this long was an amazing feat.

The tears in your eyes streak faster down your face,

You are suddenly aware of my passing to grace.

You find it harder to believe with each passing second,

You still recall it from when I beckoned.

It is as unreal to you as playing in a band,

You are still far too young to fully understand.

Then it seemed to hit you all at once,

I will never be back, as if I were a dunce.

You cry harder now, but it wont bring me back,

You know this, as do I, and it ties you up in a sack.

Then my body slowly begins to lift,

Getting lighter and lighter, like given a flying gift.

I pass through each moment in my life,

Even through when the guy had a knife.

From the time I met you to the time we first kissed,

At that sweet moment nothing was missed.

From the time I said I love you, to the time you told me too.

From the happiest moment,

To saddest that came and went.

Tears now fill my eyes,

Or should I say my spirits, for the body has passed away.

I think that now I know what a soul is,

A spirit in a body, waiting to be free.

Mine is free now, and yours will be too,

And on that day nothing but the sky will be blue.

We will be together once again,

To sign our names in heaven, with the only holy pen.

Never can a secret keep,

Always secret, dark and deep.

Hold your tongue till the end of life,

Away from a world of endless death and strife.

Only then can one betray

All the words you didnt say.

In the real world, as in dreams,

Nothing is quite what it seems.

When you know this you can exhume

All the secrets within the tomb.

Never can a life be borne

Without a secret to which were sworn.

Into that world of death and strife,

Or let the blood fall on my suicide knife.

Those have secrets that they know,

They try to hide it so it does not show.

Those who do this will soon have to face

Death as it comes to take its place.

There are sad and sadder things in life

In this world of death and strife.

I am my familys next of kin,

And the saddest words are: "it could have been."

It could have been good,

To kiss you where you stood.

To feel your lips press against mine,

The only thing that stood in our way was time.

It could have been better,

To take your life down to the last letter.

To spend with you a day, a night, forevermore,

But when you left it was my heart that tore.

It could have been the best,

To hold you up against my chest.

To spend eternity with you all alone,

Instead of crying in isolation at home.

It could have been great,

But what stepped in was fate.

Now youre gone into the heavens above,

And with you went my tenderness and love.

It could have been worse,

To fulfill my curse.

We could have never met,

Then my heart would not have set.

It could have been so many things,

But death took you away on swift, gentle wings.

I wish so badly I could hold you in my arms,

Holding you closely, and tightly with charms.

To pack my life within a single kiss,

Is a simple pleasure I dare not miss.

I dream of eternity paused in that moment,

Now my dreams are twisted and bent.

I want to hold you one more time,

I have many thoughts, but to be with you is the prime.

I want to hold you as I did in life,

The want digs deeply, as deep as a knife.

I will die in due time,

But now my life, to me, is worth less than a dime.

Why kill one who does not want to live?

It is the only thought I can give.

Death will come to take us all away,

And I wait patiently for that day

For on that day Ill see you again,

And this knowledge gives me the hope of a thousand men.

With you my life was never a bore,

It was the love I gave you to which I swore.

You have gone to a much farther place,

And I shed my tears each time I say grace.

Your death has rocked me harder than a strong wind,

It left a hole in my heart too deep to mend.

Death alone is not enough to separate us,

But brings on pain that is such a fuss.

There are still sad and sadder things in life,

In this world of death and strife,

I am my familys next of kin,

And the saddest words are: "it could have been."

All you see is strong, hateful, and no fear.

While concealed in shadows is the sorrow and tears.

What you see is a really good friend,

You never see the wounds that that refuse to mend.

I'm only a person whos lost in his dreams,

This is the real me that nobody sees.

I do the things you never knew

The things I wished to say could only be given with a clue.
Seven years ago, the beginning of the end had just started.

It was then we were eternally parted.

To mask my shadow, and sit quietly,

This is the real me that nobody sees.

I fight the pain every day of my life,

This makes my world a never-ending strife.

I try my hardest to keep you out,

Creating a false image, always holding a doubt.

I only failed one more time,

This is the real me that nobody sees.

I cant believe you came into my life,

Your anger digs in shaper than a knife.

Onto you I continually try to hold,

There are still so many secrets to be told.

I'm wishing for what can never be,

This is the real me that nobody sees.

You came into my life and began to wreck hell,

I now believe youre only a wicked spell.

You made me believe that we were so close,

But that was a deception that hurt me the most.

I'm stuck in a nightmare called reality, a neverending dream,

This is the real me that nobody sees.

Now youve brought me even more pain,

Too much to cope, I will soon be slain.

I dont know how I fell for your act,

Now Im lost, my path cannot be tracked.

I'm alone once again, to hide everything inside,

This is the real me that youll never see.

You dont seem to realize what youve got until its too late.

When somebody hurts you, you get the feeling of hate.

But when something happens, and time runs out,

You begin to wonder why you ever had a doubt.

When you find somebody that you truly love,

You will fight, but it ends because you know youre beloved.

But what will happen when time has expired?

What would you give to not be so tired?

What would you do for one last dance?

What would you do for one last chance?

What would you give to say one last word?

What would you do to take back words that were absurd?

In this final fight we had,

I never imagined it would get so bad.

How could we know Id be dead by tonight?

If we did, I know, we would have stopped our fight.

But the cruelness of fate has taken place,

And the paleness has begun to replace my face.

My fatal wounds come from my bleeding heart,

So let my body and soul depart.

I watch you now from the heavens above,

Im still distraught within the binds of love.

How can there be sadness in this joyous place?

Yet tears begin to streak down the side of my face.

I miss you though I see you every day.

It hurts so bad that I could not say.

I miss the gentleness of your touch.

But words will never say how much.

I miss your smooth caress,

And then harder your lips would press.

I miss the strength of your embrace,

To place my cheek upon your face.

Im stuck in an eternity away from you,

And I know you will always be missing me, too.

I know one day I will see you again,

But not until we are caught in the end.

If I died tomorrow

Where would I be today?

Would I let people have their way?

Society cast me silently into the night,

And Ive given up hope without giving a fight.

Where would be my time with you?

Is there anything I can do?

If I died tomorrow,

Would anybody remember me?

Or cast away those memories into the open sea?

I never have held anyone so near,

Will there even be a single tear?

I need to slow down to keep up with you,

Is there anything I can do?

If I died tomorrow,

Would you remember yesterday?

A moment so great only time can betray?

At that moment, it was our first kiss,

To stay there forever would be sheer bliss.

As the song continues, I hold onto you.

Is there anything I can do?

I know now Ill be dead by tomorrow,

And I also know there will be no sorrow.

Society patiently awaits my fate,

And then Ill be gone from this world of hate.

I'm wishing still I could be with you,

But there is nothing I can do.

Theres a feeling inside me I cannot explain,

You could almost say it feels like pain.

I can feel it crawling beneath my skin,

And I try to forget, but remember your sin.

I can feel it inside me, burning me up.

Its the flame from the candle inside the cup.

Then the flame grows, becoming a fire.

To let go of this rage is my hearts only desire.

I want to let go, I want to forget,

I want to do something Ill never regret.

And then I remember how much I hate you,

I can say how much, but youll have no clue.

You are the fire that burns inside,

You bring me a hate whom no other can abide.

I can feel the fire burning within,

Frying my soul and searing my skin.

The force of the fire is tearing me apart,

The flames savagely attack my broken heart.

It burns like an itch that wont go away.

The fire burns freely, running astray.

The fire gets worse with intensifying heat,

I still cant believe this hate I cannot beat.

I feel my boiling blood rush to my head,

It makes me feel I will soon be dead.

When I am dead, the fire will be out,

I wont be able to scream, yell or shout.

Then they will lower me into my hellish grave,

Im so far gone I cannot be saved.

I have succumbed to the hate,

Now I take a look at my fate.

The fire is a constant reminder of fear,

It has painfully reduced me to flickering tears.

The hate burned away from me whatever was left,

To steal my soul is the greatest theft.

The ashes of fire are a glimpse at what could have been,

I never do I want to see you again.

Life and death, a common thing,

Little did I know Id grow in your pain.

You cast me away, but even so,

I came back to live in your shadow.

I was suddenly borne from your laughter.

So we could live happily ever after.

How could I possibly know Id be dying in your arms tonight?

Im distraught in this life and death fight.

Time and silence

Will cushion the violence.

A voice is shattered

While a soul is battered.

This is our silent war being fought.

I didnt even know the answers I sought.

We were so close to being the perfect friends,

I guess this fucked up life never ends.

How could I know Id be in this one again?

I thought youd be with me, I was wrong again.

How could I know Id be crying alone?

I once thought against me you outshone.

How could I know all the pain you would bring?

My heart skipped a beat every time I heard you sing.

I guess its all over because of another guy.

Sometimes I wish I just couldve died.

I wish in due time we can still be friends,

But we lack a closeness with a wound that never mends.

Its goodbye, but only for now.

I wish there was another way somehow.

But theres not,

So Im distraught.

Its over, its done, it never was.

I'll just try and remember like everyone else does.

America,

The largest memorial service.

Mourning over the dead and the missing,

A prayer that will never be.

Our nation,

Liberty, equality, opportunity, and democracy.

Also means the grievance, first strains, and darkest day.

Our spirit has failed.

But stronger than ever.

symbol

NYC is one of our nations pain and hope.

Asking God for a way out,

Never acting upon thyself.

A thousand sorrowful stories,

One of missing men and women.

Sept. 11 is a day of death,

Also a day of birth.

This newly crumbled nation will fight with all our might.

And what is right will live on forever.

A flood of fury falls over me,

It casts me out into the open sea.

The wave of rage sweeps me away,

Im fighting the current and being thrown astray.

I roll in the waters getting turned and tossed.

At this time I must learn to embrace chaos.

The raging waters boil within.

I cant help it, but hate is the deadliest of sins.

The rushing fury turns my heart to ice,

Freezing the waters with hate and vice.

I remember you said "when hell freezes over"

Nobody ever could have been bolder.

Now my fury has frozen that hell.

And it hurts so bad I cannot tell.

My body floats limply through the squall.

These angry waters have thrown me into a free-fall.

As my blood flows smoothly into my head,

I feel as though I will soon be dead.

My lungs will fill with the liquid of life,

And I will be gone from this world of strife.

I will then sink lower into my watery grave,

To this fury, I am but a slave.

My fury is a great cascade of sorrow,

And I feel as though it is slowly drowning my tomorrow.

How is it possible to hate so much?

This rage brings visions of hate, fear and such.

I want to say I'm pissed off just one more time,

But Im already gone, so you are the prime.

You know how to get into the minds of men.

And I never want to see you again.

Love contains the power to take control,

It has the power to put in your heart a hole.

But it also has the strength to keep you eternally happy.

That is why people think it is far too sappy.

Hate contains the power for violence and fears,

And it will also be the bringer of tears.

It has the power to change your life,

To make your world a neverending strife.

Violence is only one part of hate,

And it brings on much worse fate.

To hurt your loved ones, you never should.

But who spares the bad, injures the good.

Fear is only another part of hate,

It is something we refuse to state.

To paralyze you in total pain,

It is something from which you cannot refrain.

Love and hate are two awesome powers,

They stand for more than our fallen twin towers.

They slowly fight in a silent war,

And ever so subtly beat you into the floor.

The war is never a push, always a shove,

And many times hate will overcome love.

Because you onto a fear,

A fear that will always draw you near.

And then hate will bring you sorrow,

And your sorrow will drown your tomorrow.

And then all you can do is cry.

And you will cry until you die.

You will know the futility of death,

And you will cry in patience of your last breath.

It is only death you fear,

And that is why you cry these tears.

Your are crying tears of fear,

These tears of fear you hold so dear.

What you hold dear you must hold near,

So hold near your tears of fear.

The tears start small, then they grow,

They grow so much you cannot know.

Soon youll have great cascades of sorrow,

And these will also drown your tomorrow.

No matter how many times hate overcomes love,

Whether it be the push or the shove,

Love holds on with one small thread,

One small thread that spins around your head.

Love still has the power of trust,

But trust can be blown away like dust.

Never has there been such a fragile greatest power,

More sweet inside than the smell of a flower.

So why will you destroy your life?

Why will you make your world a strife?

Maybe you think youll like the tears of fear,

But that is all you will ever hold dear.

Our nation was shattered but a few months ago.

People died, money was lost, and other lives were broken.

The impact of the incident tore through our nation with amazing speed.

It affected our familys with a close comparison with pearl harbor.

But why did our nation take such offense?

Why were we so quick to strike back?

We were thrown off our feet and were up faster than anyone would have expected.

Our nation cries out, saying God is with us.

Their nation does the same.

We stand under God and kill each other off with technology he has provided.

How do we dare sit under our flag and say he is with us?

Were we thinking of our country on Sept. 10?

Or were we thinking of who would win the super bowl?

We all praise the United States with all our hearts,

I believe it is sad it took this much for our country to unite.

We call them monsters, we call them evil.

We call those who oppose us our evil villains.

Have we all been caught within the tight grip of propaganda?

We all seem to have forgotten what is right and what is wrong.

A few weeks after the bombings, an air raid was sent to strike back.

We meant to kill but one group of people, we took out an entire nation.

Persecute all for the price of one? And were calling them monsters?

If this is what we call justice, then justice will break humanity into nothing.

Homo sapiens will become an endangered species.

Our lawful idea of justice will sentence the human spirit to death.

There were innocent people in that country.

Actions should have been taken, but not that extent.

Dont get me wrong, our nation is great.

Our nation will live on, and it will survive.

But perhaps we will not believe ourselves so invincible.

This is the reason we took offense.

We did think we were invincible, and they proved us wrong.

And we were mad about that. May our nation live on,

And may our nation be all for the wiser.

I took a chance and tempted fate,

I tried to take away the hate.

Now its something which I cant refrain,

I thought I could end the pain.

But it only brought more pain unto you,

As you cradle my body, feeling it cold and blue.

My soul stands beside you, watching you cry,

Watching you ask why I had to die.

I didnt mean for you to find me like this,

I thought it was a path to pure bliss.

But you found my body in these upstairs room,

Making this place an icy tomb.

You saw out front where I sat in the mud,

Now you hold onto me in a puddle of my blood.

Outside with the rain pounding upon my face,

I was glad to know I was going to a world of grace.

Now the rain is a symbol of my tears of sorrow,

Drowning away what would have been my tomorrow.

That moment of happiness was my first and last,

Now my soul will wander as a simple outcast.

I wanted to make the whole world pay,

But I didnt mean for you to find me this way.

Now Im sorry I did it, because youre here,

Holding the body of whom was always so dear.

Mom, dad, I couldnt take the pain of this life,

Now you sit here and cry as you remove the knife.

"Im sorry, I love you!" I keep trying to shout,

If you hear me, you must have a serious doubt.

I thought the world had taken everything away,

I felt as though I could not stay.

I figured there was nobody that cared,

I guess at that time I was just scared.

I am so sorry and now Im afraid,

In the end its me and my life that paid.

The ironic thing is that I never knew,

I never even had a clue.

Because last night, it didnt matter how hard I cried,

I didnt think I would ever commit suicide.

You thought it was the end,

Then he walked into your life.

You thought it was perfect,

Then he showed you the concealed knife.

You thought it was forever,

Then he began to slack,

You found out the truth,

And then he stabbed you in the back.

I wish I could have stayed here longer,

I wish I could have made you stronger.

I wish I got to know you more,

I wish Id told you the secrets Ive sworn.

I wish you were here,

I wish I could hold you near.

I wish I could keep you in my arms,

I wish I could still whisper my charms.

I wish I could give you one more kiss,

I wish there wasnt an opportunity Id miss.

I wish so badly youve never cried,

But most of all, I wish Id never died.

Remember the day we talked of my death?

The moment god took away my last breath?

I made you promise youd never cry,

I told you to be happy the day I die.

I cant believe it came up so soon,

Now my soul rises up under the blue moon.

We talked of things that people called "deep",

Now the tears through your eyes begin to seep.

I want to cry because Ive hurt you so bad,

Im sorry that Ive made you so sad.

Living fast only to die young is a part of my life,

My entire existence Ive told you this world is strife.

I remember I told you I wouldnt be sorry when I left here forever,

Why did you tell me I could be so clever?

But thats not true anymore.

Because even in death my heart tore.

I want to say so badly what was never said,

I know this moment youve come to dread.

Remember when our friends said its only the weak that cries?

I want you now to wipe the tears from your eyes.

I'm not worth your thousand tears,

Even though Ive known you for so many years.

Nobody is worth that much,

But I will always miss your touch.

I shouldve told before how much I love you,

Instead of just assuming you knew.

Theres one thing you know that is the last thing to say,

Im so sorry that they came to take me away.

My lifeless body lies on the desert floor,

Its memories and feelings are no more.

The lack of water dries up the shameless skin,

For there is nothing left within

The sun beats down on the expressionless face,

Dont be sorry for me, Im going to a land of grace.

I wanted to say I loved you once more,

But we were just friends, and nothing more.

An angel came and took my hand,

It pulled my soul out of the sand.

Then I approached god, high on his throne,

He said, "Welcome, you have now come home.

Welcome to a place where there is no tomorrow,

You will never have any more sorrow.

Today will always forever last,

And you will have no longing for the past."

The words he speaks bring tears to my eyes,

This place has no sorrow or lies.

Now that I have traveled my very last mile,

Try to remember me with my smile.

Forget the times I ever frowned,

Remember the times we could have been crowned.

Forget the unkind words Ive said,

Remember, please, that now Im dead.

Forget that Ive fallen by the way,

Remember the times you wanted me to stay.

Remember that Ive had a ton of fun,

That Ive fought hard battles and won.

Forget that I ever went to court,

Forget that stupid book report.

If you cant remember me without the tears,

If youre caught crying for me in front of your peers,

Then I dearly ask you dont remember me at all,

Forget that I ever lived and then took the fall.

Even though Im gone, were never apart,

Cause each time you remember me, I'm still in your heart.

I suddenly feel an emptiness inside,

I always seem to run and hide.

The past few months have been purely of pain,

no matter how hard I try, I still cant refrain.

In my heart, I know that something is wrong,

I cant even sing my favorite song.

There is a constant pain beating upon my chest,

my soul can never sit down to rest.

Everyone in my world says everything will be all right,

so I cower away from them in fright.

The truth is, I know, nothing will take the pain inside,

and I know Im so sick and tired of all the lies.

Everyone continues to ask questions when they already know the answer,

and I know I will soon die from my cancer.

I walk down the hall in total silence,

It is not how it was before all the violence.

My left hand on the wall, looking to my right,

I stare out into the cold, dark night.

I'm looking into the quad where I used to hang with my friends,

This horror I feel inside I know never ends.

I remember this hall on a bright sunny day,

My friends were together and we were all at play.

This part of my life, like the sun, disappeared,

And my life has become everything I feared.

The dimly lit hall sheds not a sound,

I cant call for my friends because nobody's around.

The cold bites at me like pins to my skin,

And Im slowly being torn apart from within.

An icy fog trails my every slow breath,

Every shadow whispers the reminiscence of death.

Another salty tear streaks the side of my face,

And I suddenly remember how it all took place.

Im remembering the moment god took my friend,

I try to black it out but it plays over again.

Right here, in this hall, they took his life,

When it started, who knew the attacker would draw a knife?

I saw it coming before anyone else did,

So why did I just watch like every stupid kid?

When I heard my friend scream, I started to react.

I moved so fast that my path wasnt tracked.

The kid with the knife then turned to me,

I knew there was no possible way to flee.

As he attacked, I tripped him and heard his head crack,

I knew right then he won't be back.

Last time, "just watch" is what they all said,

Now is my friend and foe that are dead.

Now Im in the hall, my parents paid bail,

I know when I fight charges, I will soon fail.

I breathe in deep, tears falling again,

This isnt the action of most teenage men.

Its my fault my friend's dead 'cause I didnt move soon enough,

I cry yet again though everyone says to "be tough".

I stare down the empty hall with dimly lit lights,

To end my friends life, it took one stupid fight.

I feel the cold is the remnants of his faded soul,

I want to disappear forever into a deep, dark hole.

Whatever decisions I make arent right,

Now I am engulfed by the lonely night.

I still see the hall, my vision blurred by mist,

Im still looking for that lone opportunity I've missed.

I can still see out into the black abyss,

Soon, I will never feel again my mother's kiss.

I close my eyes and listen to the silence,

It wasnt this way before all the violence.

What did you do to deserve this pain?

Why can't you seem to back off or refrain?

Why did I take the actions I took?

Why does feel like a fantasy book?

For all these questions, my answer is silence,

I know you felt different before all this violence.

I know now silence is never the answer,

But to die like I did or by a disease of cancer?

Some people say it was just as well,

Others say right now Im burning in hell.

But I sit here and watch you from the heavens above,

I realize now all you ever gave me was love.

Now I want you to wipe these tears from your eyes,

Sooner or later, everyone dies.

There was nothing vain about my death,

Because I heard you voice upon my last breath.

Visions from my memory, happy and sad,

Flashed before my eyes, whether good or bad.

Before I was gone, my eyes filled with tears,

Because I remembered how you loved me for so many years.

I know now that I was wrong,

And my voice lifts high in my freedom song.

Dark clouds on your earth are like coals that are charry,

And I just wanted to tell you how much I was sorry.

I sit here and read the letters you give,

you ask me how I want you to live.

I see your path, so close to mine,

to pass into insanity; that line is so fine.

Youre doing everything Ive already done,

you act as though you are my son.

Here is the mirror of you, it gives the reflections of you.

You need the power of two: just me and you,

an image that you hold in your mind,

youre showing what you feel like inside.

Youre the shadow of me, what I used to be,

I know what you need because I can see:

Im taking over thoughts in your mind,

Im hiding against the light in the outside.

Every time I close my eyes, I again see your face.

Where did you go? I spend my time looking for a trace.

When I sleep; I dream I hear your voice,

And to stay or leave was never my choice.

When I feel the wind, I can hear you whispering in my ear,

When it rains, I cant help but drop that lonely tear.

When the sun burns on, I remember your passionate heat,

And when it snows, I remember every time wed greet.

Whether it be weather, mood, day or night,

I remember you and wish you were still in sight.

I wish so badly you were by my side,

From the darkness that took you, I constantly hide.

I know Im lost and blowing things out of proportion,

And I also know that life is worth so much more than the coffin.

But I cant help it, because all I can think of is you,

Sitting here, watching, knowing theres nothing I can do.

Every fading memory bring tears to my eyes,

Sooner or later, everyone dies.

I feel my lifeline is constantly falling,

But everyone must answer when god is calling.

I feel as though we are eternally severed,

And I will always be missing you forever.

I once felt these certain feeling in my heart,

but they were later torn apart.

I met this girl that left me mesmerized,

which no longer I choose to fantasize.

I gave her my kingdom to rule,

but I was played for a fool.

My emotions left over time,

the thoughts of her are no longer in mind.

Once I heard that my baby was cheating on me,

I sat and sighed "how could this be?"

how was I so blind I couldnt see?

True love is the only thing I want to believe.

silent memories, quiet thoughts,

motionless breathing, oh my god.

Burying a friend, or possibly a loved one,

their life is over; their life is done.

Of course you cry, you lie,

saying, "Im okaygo away",

the torment, the pain,

not knowing whom to blame.

Yourself? The car? The curves?

Its just the same.

Theyre dead, theyre gone, and it seems so wrong.

Why do teens have to die? Why? Why?

A time of darkness, a time of greed,

this is the time when we take what we need.

A drop of a tear, a soaring of emotion.

It is now a time for love and devotion.

A rough touch of hate, a brutal anger.

This relationship is full of danger.

A hurtful remark, a slap in the face.

Are there any resentments we can erase?

A moment alone, a moment of peace,

let us have this time of release.

A smile on my face, a kiss that is true,

can this be my only reward to you?

As i sit here and remember the days we spent, 
                                             The days we cried and didn't speak,
                                             I just remember the days where i couldn't, 
                                             Anymore, i didn't want to live, i was so weak.
                                             I remember when you helped me go on, 
                                             Made me think of what i would be losing.
                                             I would leave everyone without saying good-bye, 
                                             I would end everything without realizing what i was doing.
                                             I thought it was the best for me
                                             And best for everyone in my life.
                                             Everyone was in pain...
                                             I just wanted to commit suicide.
                                             The problem was
                                             Everyone was hurting because of me;
                                             I didn't understand anymore
                                             I had eyes but still couldn't see.
                                             I couldn't see that it wasn't because of me.
                                             I had my problems and they had theirs;
                                             Everyone was hurting 
                                             But it was because for me they cared,
                                             Now i have come to that state again
                                             Where i just want to die
                                             Because i don't know what to do anymore
                                             I hate living this lie.
                                             I show everyone Im happy
                                             When deep down inside i hurt;
                                             Living this so-called life
                                             It feels like a curse.
                                             I can't be happy and that Ive come to see;
                                             I think it would be better if i was gone.
                                             No one would have to "worry" about me,
                                             I would be happy but not for very long
                                             Basically Im tired of it
                                             I don't know when i will do it.
                                             Im going now
                                             Im tired of living with all of this.
                                             So, good-bye to all...
                                             My friends, family and the love of my life;
                                             I can't go on anymore
                                             And sooner or later you'll understand why...

Ready to die

ten years ago, when dad died,

I thought of life as a simile to the dying tide.

I sat back and watched as my tide faded away,

leaving the clam sea open in every way.

Ten years ago, I was afraid of taking my life,

even though I knew it would always be a strife.

The fear had stopped me that one sorrowful day,

but it hurts so bad I only wish I could say.

Ten years ago, I wasnt ready to die.

So all I could do is sit there and cry.

From this pain, I am unable to get away,

even when I sit on knees and pray.

Ten years ago, I knew it would come to this,

I stare down the hall and pray its me you wont miss.

Mom, dad, I love you, though here I lay,

perhaps my death will hold the demons at bay.

Ten years ago, I watched my life as it slipped on by,

not able to stop it, not able to try.

I close my eyes, and my world turns gray,

and I set the knife gently upon the tray.

Ten years ago, it started the beginning of the end,

and I had nobody here to be my godsend.

Today, I end it like everyone who feels this way does,

its over, its done, and i never was. 

I sit and enjoy the peaceful silence,

knowing I am in a world full of violence.

I sit back and smile as I remember you,

wishing I could say what I wish to do.

Is the silence I feel when I see you bad?

Or should the silence make me glad?

Each time our eyes meet, my heart stops beating,

and I forget for that moment that my soul is bleeding.

You make me feel like I have never felt before,

and I for once want to know what I have in store.

I cant explain exactly what I feel,

but whatever it is, I know it is real.

I could only describe it as a mysterious sensation,

taking away life and all of its complication.

The urge to kiss you transgresses my sorrows,

and I want to be with you for my remaining tomorrows.

That look in your eyes when you flash your smile,

makes me know my life is worthwhile.

I know there is pain that is still to be borne,

but here is a secret to which I am sworn:

I swear to god I will live my life,

and it will never be taken away by a suicide knife.

I will surpass all of my pain,

and be with you when all it does is rain.

this pain I will continue to try to hide,

but I know you are one which no other can abide.

To say I love you, I wouldnt dare,

and this thought makes me just want to pull out my hair.

You are so close to me, but I push you away,
I dont know why; I am just alone and running astray.

The answers confuse me to the questions I ask,

to identify this feeling is no simple task.

But if I told you I was going to die,

and if I asked you not to cry,

and if I said I loved you, would you still care?

or think the exchange is far too unfair?

Would you leave me before my time?

Or would I still be able to call you mine?

If I am dying so quickly within the sand,

will you still be there, holding my hand?

If this life drives me over the edge,

and I go crazy, will you still listen when I pledge?

Would you be there if I was going to die of cancer?

These are all questions I cannot answer.

The silence I took comfort in before,

is now leaving me helpless and poor.

There are so many things I wish I could say,

and I wanted to say them the other day

but I chose the silence as a better result,

and then I saw your eyes again, and my breath drew to a halt.

I want to hold you in my arms,

holding you tight, away from all harms.

Right now, I sit and enjoy the silence,

knowing I am in a world of violence.

I have feelings of sorrow I will always try to hide,

locked in a chest and held deep inside.

Hidden from a world of pain and greed,

a world where you dont seem to get the things you need.

What I needed most was for someone to care,

someone who would always be there.

Although confused as my emotions compiled,

you still went to heaven when I was only a child.

I sit here and cry, but it wont bring you back,

its a battalion of sorrows just waiting to attack.

I would give all that I own for one more day,

this want digs deeper than any words can say.

I would also give that which I do not own,

the world is not enough to express the pain shown.

I want for just once to hold your hand,

and walk alone with you across the sand.

from the childhood you left me, to a growing man,

I try to do everything I possibly can.

But I have changed so much over the past few years,

Spreading my happiness, and shedding my tears.

I seem to do everything in opposition to right,

though my reasons for doing so are worth the fight.

I never fight out of my own pure wrath,

but everyone says I have taken the darker path.

I want you to see what I have become,

though I know it only matters to some.

I want you to see me and know you are proud,

and watch me above from the so distant clouds.

I want you to tell me if what I do is right,

and I want you to guide me through the dark, lonely night.

Most of all, I want you to smile as you say Im your son,

to all the others who surpass the reaches of the sun.

it doesnt seem to matter how hard I try,

I always find myself asking "why"?

you left me too soon to hold you near,

and I think of you to subside my fear.

so I have feelings of sorrow I will always try to hide,

locked in a chest, and held deep inside.

I cried when I realized what I had become,

and I realized where my life came from.

How do I live with the decisions I make?

How am I supposed to give back what I take?

I gave the world my very best,

a constant reminder of life without rest.

I started out as a simple, perfect little kid,

I still dont know what I did.

But now, my life is falling deeper through hell,

Im caught in bad luck as through a wicked spell.

Theres nobody here to tell me Im right,

nobody here to turn darkness to light.

You once said you would always be here,

at a time when we held each other so dear.

But where were you to catch me when I started to fall?

Is this why you ended it all?

You werent there to save me before my life was destroyed,

you lied to me, your words are void.

All you ever wanted was to keep me alive,

but it all fell apart, falling in a nose dive.

My life has nothing further to boast,

Where did you go when I needed you the most?

Let me make this, plain, simple, and fast,

I hate what has been done to me in the past.

And I hate you, and me, and I hate my fucking cast,

None of this shit was ever supposed to last.

Fuck you for making me think this way,

Fuck my brother for making me pay.

Fuck this world for keeping me at bay,

And even fuck me for living to this day.

Fuck this life and all thats in it.

I hate this fucking world every single fucking minute.

You told me to give you one more chance,

and held me within a deadlocked trance.

You told me to continue with my life,

you told me how much I needed to lay down the knife.

You promised me you would always be there,

and you know what? No longer do I care.

you were never there to answer my endless cries,

and all the while you kept feeding me lies.

I cannot take away this vengeful hate,

because I cant escape the demons you always create.

Shall I try to describe what this life is about?

I will tell what it is without a doubt.

the television is feeding you,

and the more you hear, the more you do.

Listening to what you want to hear,

things that resolve around hate and fear.

The pain you feel cant go away,

because were all programmed to feel this way.

We live within a world that loves to suffer.

Which is why moving through every lonely day gets tougher

I cant explain every reason why,

I dont know why all I want to do is die.

But you left me alone in this hateful place,

and I smile as the blood trickles down my face.

You were supposed to help me until the end,

but your bullshit gave me a wound that will never mend.

It wont get a chance to mend because I again picked up the knife.

And now, I am going to end my life.

Where did I go wrong in my simple task?

Was staying alive just too much to ask?

I understand the pain that you went through,

yet you act like there was nothing anyone can do.

The pain you have given me is too much to bear,

now I walk through this world without a care.

you pulled the trigger, the blood is on your conscience

so why do I think all I fed you was nonsense.

I talked you out of it when you hung up the phone,

now I feel like Im in an abyss, all alone.

Why did you take your own life last night?

Why could you not just put up a fight?

You couldnt hold on for one more day?

Just to see if things would go your way?

the worst part was how you let me know,

now I try not to let all this pain show.

Why did you call me as you loaded the gun?

And why was I on the phone when it was all done?

You destroyed my life, my very being,

and I think you did it all without seeing.

I try to hide all of this pain,

yet I find doing so all in vain.

Because I cannot keep myself from crying,

I am withering away, I am slowly dying.

God shuns those who commit suicide,

but I think the whole world has lied.

I want you to know, before I join you above,

that you killed me in the name of love.

Ill make it simple: life is bullshit.

So fuck it all and everything in it.

I am some poor weary traveler

Destined to be forsaken upon this earth

Forever to walk along the desolate paths of mankind

Detest me

Because I will be your eventual downfall

You will never meet me

For I am not here nor there

You will never know me

For no good may ever come of my being

But still I am

Fear this

Fear me, for I come in all shapes and forms to haunt

To destroy every attempt at meaning

I come without warning

And nothing is left after my coming

Fear me

For I am you

Stray Bullet

I am your holy totem

I am you sick taboo

Radical and radiant

I'm your nightmare coming true

I am your worst enemy

I am your dearest friend

Malignantly malevolent

I am of divine descent

I have come to rock your world

I have come to shake your faith

Anathematic anarchist

I have come to take my place

I am your unconsciousness

I am unrestrained excess

Metamorphic restlessness

I'm your unexpectedness

I am your apocalypse

I am your belief unwrought

Monolithic Juggernaut

I'm the illegitimate son of god

Stray bullet

From the barrel of love

Stray bullet

From the heavens above

Stray bullet

Ready or not

I'm the illegitimate son of god

Megalomaniac

Nihilistic mystics

Apostolic Alcoholics

Messianic Manics

In the age of super-boredom

Hype and mediocrity

Celebrate relentlessness

Menace to society

Refuse is our inspiration

Terrorism our trade

Sabotage and piracy

Chaos our mental sate

Mesmerizing festering

Intended for the faint of heart

Cultish and Anthemic

Until death us do part

Like a fiendish tropic virus

Spitting bile at all you whore

Razor-sharp tongue-in-cheek

Poking in your open sores

A wolf in sheep's clothing

The ultimate disgrace

Wrapped up as a gift of god

Exploding in your face

This is counter-culture from the underground

Eternal revolution this is our sound

KMFDM better than the best

Megalomaniacal and harder than the rest

Mercy

I went thru too many people

I went thru heaven and hell

I went from Rome to Baghdad

Too many stories to tell

I lived thru too many eons

I've risen up and I fell the fall

I have been there and I have done that

I've see it all and all

My time is running like water

Deeper I dive and deeper

Last of nine lives of the cat

I saved my soul for the reaper

What do you mean by that

Mercy is all you get

Do what you won't regret

Freedom's your self-respect

Torture

My motivations unresolved

Things are just never what they seem

Apathy's currencies deceit

Pitch bending radiated dreams

The jackal's wishing well forgotten

Dark cloud sunrise

The view of someone somewhere else is

Burnt into my eyes

How long - dug up remains

How low - the rotting fame

How low - to see right through

How long - the hole I knew

How low - the clear eyed stain

How long - to set aflame

How low - to be set up

How long - and taken out

The anti-like karma from the crack in a hand

Full painting on a mural in a foreign landfill

Mind controlled by the pulley of the strings

So remote the view from the puppetry swing set

My reservations have evolved

Scenes once negated ushered in

Mercy killings one to one defend

Visionary criminals descend

On knees all burning

A term of useless lifeless thought

What a paid ride

Alchemic jail-cell vivisection

Test-subject day job

How long - to pacify

How low - you still deny

How low - from up above

How low - the tripping sound

How long - to kick back down

How long - the creeping crown

How low - the holy cheat

How long - the leap of faith

These revelations undermined

Controlled belief in leads mankind

Each penny sold and mesmerized

We're stoned

Two-fold reversal beckoning

The binding crayon words inverted

In Justice travestia

We worship acid moans and curbside-holidays

Recycle shit we throw away in glossy packaged craze

Maybe in a day or so I'll stumble on that grassy knoll

To set the record straight

Announcing to myself: wake-up

We kill everything that's not tied down

We euthanize but keep alive the lowest form of prison life

So useful and experimental

Treatment of the sick and dying

What about the torture?

Anarchy

You break my back

You won't break me

All is black

But I still see

Shut me down

Knock me to the floor

Shoot me up

Fuck me like a whore

Trapped under ice

Comfortably cold

I've gone as low as you can go

Feel no remorse

No sense of shame

Time's gonna wash away all pain

I made a god out of blood

Not superiority

I killed the king of deceit

Now I sleep in anarchy

Sacrifice to the cause

Turn your code into law

Compensate to validate the loss

Take a thief

Nail him to a cross

Gospel of rage

Faction of hate

Deviate from the absolute

Born of revenge

Raised on cement

Chaos created government

I made a god out of blood

Not superiority

I killed the king of deceit

Wake me up in anarchy

Unfit

You are the sweetest disease for me

I can't hear you say please to me

There's nothing you cannot say to me

Come on, get down and pray with me

There's no feeling inside of me

You'll see nothing can hide in me

You'll find nothing can feed on me

Don't look, listen or believe in me

Get down,

shut up,

come on in

my love is wearing so very thin.

I'm unfit

I'm unfair

I can't feel

yet I don't care

Get down

Shut up

Come on in

my love is wearing so very thin

I'll wipe a stripe on you tonight

I'll tee you high and you will fly

Waste

What I don't know I don't like

What I don't like I don't want

What I don't want I waste

I hypnotize with alibis and fingers made of lead

I sympathize with frozen eyes turned inwards in my head

I realize to my demise it's better left unsaid

That columns crash down endlessly and I will end up dead

I theorize I'm on the rise

But all I do is fall

I victimize my love of life

I've seen and done it all

Ready steady stop

Hurry up and wait

The tick-tick-ticking of the clock

Delineates your fate

What I don't see I don't know

What I don't know I don't want

What I don't want I don't need

What I don't need I don't feel

What I don't feel I don't say

What I don't say I don't do

What I don't do I don't like

What I don't like I waste

Ready steady go

Finish up your plate

Before you even realize

It's gonna be too late

I don't know what I see

I don't want what I know

I don't need what I want

I don't feel what I need

I don't say what I feel

I don't do what I say

I don't like what I do

I just like to waste

I keep account of my hits and my misses

The bottle makes the final call

Fuel me with some of your kisses

Turn towards the weeping wall

Distilled within your discipline

Return to go and start again

Bleeding on your hallowed ground

I'm gonna lay this sodden soul right down in...

Your TV is my teacher

Confessional and preacher

Forgive me lord for all this hate

I simply am inebriate

See the gun

Pick it up

All day long you'll have good luck

See the gun

Let it lie

You'll want that gun before you die

This moral bankrupt stinking vat

Of shit-fueled lies and empty highs

Bled between these piss stained lines

And hid behind my glazing eyes

my heart turns to ice, on a cold plate of steel,

Im dead from all the loneliness, and this is how I feel.

You abandoned me, stranded me, left me alone on this world.

Love me, hate me like this as the quicksands of time twisted and twirled.

Im alone, deserted, out on my own.

I have no place to call home.

I walk the desolate paths of this unforgiving earth.

I have been sworn to hell since the day of my birth.

Living in eternal suffering, not giving a shit about life or death,

who would even care if I expel my last breath?

An afterlife of peace, its so solemnly true,

yet to believe it, I choose not to.

You said "go to hell", but Ive already been there,

feeding me lies like "not to worry, not to care."

Id like to fall in love, but I dont know how,

even if I did, the bullshit would all turn foul.

I dont give a shit about life, dont give a shit about you or me,

so why dont you just open your blind eyes and see:

Im looking for a simple and plain reason to die,

living through life is like living a lie.

Is it still hard to imagine why I am so full of hate?

Dont confuse my psychosis with a suicidal mental state.

I want to end it now, I want to end it all.

Never made it to the top, yet still managed to fall.

Im breaking, cracking, being pushed over the edge.

Im pissed off, Im confused, this is my one solemn pledge:

give me one reason, just one, and Im swinging on you.

I wont stop swinging till your face turns blue.

Sweat-soaked shirts and piss-stained pants,

Ill show you a real motherfucking death dance.

The only way to stop is for the hate to satisfy,

too bad you lied, now dont try to deny.

I take the repeated blows to my soul,

and can do nothing but cry as it drills its hole.

Theres nothing to replace my shattered heart,

and so subtly and quickly, this life tears me apart.

Bottom line: Im sick, Im tired, most of all, Im done.

Life is a game to play alone, and I know I havent won.

sitting alone, a moment of silence,

the icy tension: a cold compliance.

Tasting the bitterness of a salty tear,

will this, perhaps, drain away my fear?

Raindrops of sorrow, cold and blue,

I wish all of this were just not true.

A drop to a river, cold loneliness,

trapped in a world of utter helplessness.

Try to be strong, but just too weak,

comfort, always trying to seek.

Dont care about swallowing formaldehyde,

just wanting to commit suicide.

Day by day, the happiness is lost,

all of it comes along with a cost.

Rivers run into cascades of sorrow,

feel like there is no tomorrow.

Piece by piece, life stripped away,

all to see in the future is gray.

Held within a fierce Gods wrath,

choose not to follow this path.

Reduced to nothing, less than this.

Reduced to tears that have never been missed.

A cut in the hand, bleeding wrist,

my soul will lie down in ice-cold mist.

A small bloodstain on the blade of my knife,

just to end this suffering, this strife.

I am forever falling down an endless hole,

a gun in my mouth, the trigger ready to pull.

Swallow the bullet, clear shot to my brain,

time will never wash away all pain.

The rope is loose, my head is through,

this guillotine will make happen what I never could do.

Cut off my air, breathe out my last breath,

my body turns cold as I slip into death.

Top of a cliff, watch the sun set,

remembering how they said "not to worry, not to fret."

I HATE living inside this lie,

all I want to do is die.

Im tired of the tears that have lived on my face,

tired of feeling lower than my solemn disgrace.

This feeling, it hurts so deep inside

nobody on this earth with whom to confide.

A cold chill of darkness is swept over me,

I am going to fly into my destiny.

My soul will never see the depths of the stars,

but burning in hell is better than living with these scars.

I think of all those years that Ive wasted,

its nothing compared to the tears that Ive tasted.

The rocky cliff base awaits me below,

I still wish these feelings upon me werent bestowed.

Maybe someday someone will see:

falling is the only way I can be free.

Gravity takes its toll as my feet leave the floor.

My life has been hell, nothing less, nothing more.

The demons of hell have taken my soul,

left tin the era a deep, dark hole.

They bid me to kill you or join my cult,

from left to right, make your body jolt.

The angels from above lay lifeless at my feet,

burned fro m my intense hellfire heat.

They lay in the ashes of what once had been,

what I swear by my soul will never be again.

I laugh as I tear down heavens gates,

controlling the forces of all dark fates.

I feel no resistance, I feel no fear,

the end of all glory is drawing near.

Of piss-stained vats and cold blooded lies,

I will show this world that even their god dies.

Crooked nails, evil shaped hands,

blood will shed across all lands.

Fuck this world, ill make it capsize,

all because it led me to my demise.

Robert, I swear to god if you come to me, youre dead.

Ill leave a price out, hanging for your head.

Ill hunt you down, kill you, make you no more.

You dont even want to know what you have in store.

Torn from your body, your flesh will peel,

You will experience pain you cant imagine would be real.

You will scream in fear as I haunt your dreams,

You will understand pain until your red blood gleams.

The Judges will see the dried blood on my wrist,

From whence the time when even Dennis didnt exist.

Cultish and anthemic, I turn from the lord.

Lost all hope that I used to have stored.

I sacrifice Jeremys soul, to hell hes been blessed,

Your pain, your demise, I have become obsessed.

Dont you let me see you, or Ill break your neck.

Let your blood flow upon this forsaken deck.

Flesh is rotting under the acid rain,

Dont mistake chaos for my going insane.

New ashes of rain, blood will be pouring,

one move of the knife, your blood will be soaring.

At this time, I dont know if I should laugh or cry,

because at this moment, I know angels deserve to die.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

Lying on the ground, in a puddle of blood,

Still trippin over the fact that the bullet was a dud.

I did my best, as hard as I can,

the floor, standing up, take me to a foreign land.

When the fist be flying, youre in my world,

now the rhythmic beat leaves my bloodlines swirled.

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

Wrists cut, blood flows in an endless stream,

Dear god, wake me from this terrible dream.

Arms burning from the smooth cut from the knife,

Wondering how long till the end of my life.

Too exhausted to ball my hands back into a fist,

remembering the angel I know I should have kissed.

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

My friends, my family: I did my best,

but now breathing is a labored brick on my chest.

I can feel the pain of a knife on my back,

never had it made because I was too far off track.

I guess some day, somewhere, I gave up hope.

Now I lie with too much pain to cope.

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

Forgive me Lord, for I will soon be dead.

I feel an abrasion on the right side of my head.

A small, thin cut on my cheek from the knifes blade,

I can feel the depths of my soul as it fades.

My head burns with the pain of salt in an open sore.

Soon, my body and soul will be no more.

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

Im sorry mom, but they took it to its all.

Ive risen the rise and suffered the fall.

Street fighting is never what I want,

as I fade away, I remember their curious taunt.

Was all this really worthwhile?

It wasnt my choice, but now my soul is exiled.

I can feel myself slipping away,

my smooth blood flow has brought me my dying day.

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

Of oil-stinking vats and bloodstained pollution,

theres no way out, and no possible solution.

No fear manifested within parts of me,

who gives a shit? Leave it to the powers that be.

Hold a gun to my head, I just dont care.

let the soil soak the blood from my hair.

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

The gun tip placed just under my nose,

I accept death, and feel my eyes close.

The cold tip gleams as they threaten to make me pay.

Who cares? I wont live to see tomorrow anyway.

Pull the trigger, Id dare them to,

After all, there isnt anything I can do.

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

I feel the guns barrel between my eyes,

I dont care if the end comes because everyone dies.

Ill worship the bullet before they put it through me,

it will swim in rivers of blood that wash out tot he sea.

I wont succumb to the devil, so wish me well,

but I just may end up burning in hell.

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

Ill always miss my angels gentle caress.

Ill miss her every smooth finesse.

A gentle reminder of holding her near,

I cant help but shed an icy tear.

Feel no regret, feel no sorrow,

Ill be in your heart for all your tomorrows.

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

The rain drops, making a steady flow on the pavement.

It drains from the blacktop into the basement.

Traces of the rain takes away the pain,

reminding us life isnt always about the sane.

Rising up the smell of wet dirt, as sweet as rain on cement,

I understand it nowchaos created our government.

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

I dont care anymore, I know I have failed,

even if I live, itll be prison with no bail.

I cant fight the charges inevitable to come,

a fine so large even Bill Gates couldnt pay the sum.

Is this, perhaps, why I hate these laws?

Then why the hell cant anyone else see the flaws?

Cant go on, cant move a muscle,

It was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

It doesnt even matter, who would want to live?

My sins dig too deep for anyone to forgive.

I dont want to feel helpless as someone wipes the red flow from my face,

I would forever hang my head in solemn and utter disgrace.

No dignity, nor self-respect to look my friends in the eye,

it would be another first and last, for they have never seen me cry.

Dont want to go on, cant even move a muscle,

it was all over when my legs began to buckle.

Is it over? Is it done?

The first and last fight I know I havent won?

Im going to depart this earth and kiss the sky,

my spirit will leave the ground, my soul will fly.

There will be nothing left but my body in a puddle of mud,

and the rain that washes away all traces of my blood.

Im so damn sorry for all the things I didnt get to say,

to my princess, my angel: Ill love you until the end of days.

Dont ask in your heart if Ill always be there,

because for all eternity is how long Ill care.

but I couldnt go on, couldnt move a muscle.

Im sorry, but it was over when my legs began to buckle.

weve been sentenced to death since the day we were born,

never can our past be clearly shorn.

Taken from a life, so far away,

not wanting to live another day.

Sitting alone, hiding everything inside,

repeated loss from acts of foolish pride.

Then lower I go, deeper and deeper,

Ive saved the depths of my soul for the reaper.

A cat in a fury, the last of nine lives,

caught up and lost between friends and blood ties.

This pain, nothing can seem to reprieve,

so deep in my soul that not a being can conceive.

My soul, this pain will annihilate,

because nothing in this world will make it alleviate.

Then lower I go, deeper and deeper,

Ive saved the depths of my soul for the reaper.

Wrists cut, hanging in a guillotine,

all dark forces are left unseen.

A gun in my mouth, the twitch of a hand,

all will take me to a foreign land.

Looking for a way out, one I know Ive missed,

trying to escape the demons everyone says dont exist.

He comes to me now, the angel of death,

eagerly waiting to expel my last breath.

I will not survive until next dawn,

life is like chess, I am merely a pawn.

The angel of death moves me into checkmate,

Im not afraid, I know this is fate.

I cant possibly go lower, cant travel deeper,

the depths of my soul is now taken by the reaper.

I am you; you are me,

we both know the past has ceased to be.

Every time you look in a mirror, I am staring back at you.

You try to escape me, but theres nothing you can do.

I am the echo of your past,

I truly am your first and last.

I am your shadow of every day,

I am the voice of everything you say.

I am your conscious, the voice inside your head,

and I am your fear that you will soon be dead.

I can see everything you can see,

I know all the things you wish could be.

I feel everything that you feel,

the only problem is that my past isnt real.

Fear me, for I am your nightmares coming true.

Be afraid of all the things I can do to you.

For I can make you say all the wrong things,

and I am capable of everything.

Ruin your friendship, shatter your life,

make you leave this world with a suicide knife.

I am the influence that tortures your soul,

I am the one that leaves in your heart this hole.

I am the one that made you say those things you said,

the ones that made her wish you were dead.

I am the one that made you lose your best friend,

you know, the one that was supposed to be there until the end.

I am the one that made you wish her away,

and I feel that you feel regret until your dying day.

I am nothing but your belief unwrought,

kind of like your own monolithic Juggernaut.

But I am nothing but a shadow within your realm,

and my hate for you is just enough to overwhelm.

Yet you will be here to see the echo transgress the voice,

dont try to stop meits not your choice.

I may be just a shadow from your past,

but I will make sure peace in your life does not last.

Dont worry, its not your fault, noones to blame.

But a shadow from within can bear anybodys name.

My forefathers, like yours, have forsaken me,

and left me alone to face my destiny.

You are the sweetest disease for me,

get on your knees, pray for life, say please to me,

theres nothing you cannot say to me,

come on, get down, and pray with me.

Theres no feeling inside of me,

youll see that nothing can hide in me.

Youll find nothing can feed on me,

dont look, listen, or believe in me.

Nothing will ever confide in me,

and this is the way it will always be.

Deep down, you know all this is true.

Dont forget to detest me, for Iamyou.

a voice inside tells me to let go,

it is one thing of many I just wished not to know.

Am I one your one and only desire?

Or are all other thoughts the ones that transpire?

You say I am the reason you still breathe today,

so why did you turn your back the other day?

Or am I just the reason you cry at night?

Shedding your tears before the morning light?

The voice inside is telling me not to be so blind,

like a sixth sense about the dagger coming in from behind.

Its telling me all the things you hide,

it tells me why I am not to whom you confide.

I love you, I hate you, I cant get around you

I feel you, I taste you, I cant live without you.

You ignore me, deny me, refuse to let me in,

you tell me repeatedly that I drown in sin.

I feel like you just dont want me around,

and as I walk out your door, all I can hear is the sound.

Tell me once, twice, three more times.

Why is it we sit and explain within rhymes?

I gave it all away,

And now my body and spirit are astray.

I gave my trust,

And it was blown away like dust.

I gave myself,

And I was put away on a shelf.

I gave everything I ever was,

Yet you acted as everyone else does.

You betrayed me in the worst kind of way,

Now I'm not sure if I can stay.

Everything you say to me,

Now has less meaning than paying a useless fee.

Ive everything because of you, and now I'm sick and tired of it.

You may as well have thrown me into the devils pit.

I need a little room to breathe,

You crowd too much and force me to one knee.

You backstabbed me and Ill never trust you again,

You throw me away into the lions den.

Ill never give anything anymore,

Because my heart is breaking, and its far too sore.

Why do you tell me to trust one more time?

I dont care anymore, and now youre making me rhyme!

I have given up hope,

This has left me with pain that I cannot cope.

You talk about me behind my back,

And every insult piles upon me, forming a stack.

You are everything I ever was,

Your betrayal tore me away with little more than a buzz.

Now I sit here with a gun to my head,

And I wonder about all the things you said.

You may as well pull this trigger yourself,

Its you, anyway, that has depleted my health.

How come I had to go meet somebody like you?

A traitor in the flesh, and almost on cue.

How can you do this to somebody like that?

I hope you know I'm never coming back.

Tell me why it is you come to exist?

All you do is bring pain, and now I'm pissed.

You used me as you had before,

Now it is only my heart that tore.

You made me believe we could be together,

Now my life slips away, my spirit weighing less than a feather.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Take a look around, because heres something I promise you:

Everyone you see, hear, smell or touch,

Will be another one you can take with an act, words, and such.

You will only betray them once again,

You know how to get into the minds of men.

To me, you once meant everything

Even your words clung hard like a bee sting.

You mean nothing to me now,

I just want you to die, and I dont care how.

The decision between life and death holds on one line:

The line is that of the word we call time.

And now I wish your time is up,

Time is like a liquid that drains away from a cup.

My cup is almost empty, so you should be glad,

Because I'm still caught on feelings, and the love we never had.

I still wish it were all true,

To be together, alone with you.

But you are who you are,

Youre the bringer of pain, and have left me a scar.

Now I only have one more thing to say.

And it will be said again, in your ending day.

Welcome to my hell, you created it for me.

Now look at the damage, and see what you see.

Life is full of betrayal, backstabbing, and lies.

Who can you trust? The only thing in common is blood ties.

Welcome to the end, or should I say the beginning?

Now neither of us has to worry about winning.

You got into my mind, almost like a book,

And then I was a fish, caught on your hook.

And now I hate you worse than anything before,

And it burns with the pain of salt in an open sore.

And now I cant seem to get away,

Yet deep inside I know I cant stay.

There is a sea of pain and regret that lies down beneath,

Sounds of nails on a chalkboard, clicking bones, and chattering teeth.

Stay the fuck away from me,

Because you have already thrown me into that open sea.

The sea now swallows me whole,

Ill see you in the end, when it is time to pay your toll.

How far can you go blindly into the night?

How long can I withstand our never-ending fight?

You betrayed me like I never was,

Now you treat me like everyone else does.

You wont be forgiven, apologies not accepted,

You say sorry like a straight lie, never seeing whats ahead.

You lied to me once, and youd do it again,

These wounds you have given me refuse to mend.

It hurts me to see us in pain this way,

But its you who hurt me every single day.

You said it would take more than the world to break us apart,

Now, over something so stupid, youre breaking my heart.

And now I sit here, alone, like I always have been,

I have a gun in my mouth; Im the most useless of men.

Im gonna swallow the bullet from the gun on the shelf,

You might as well pull this trigger yourself.

I entrusted you with everything I was,

I told you my darkest secrets, and this is what it does:

You knew all the exact words to say,

You destroyed my soul and do as you may,

You knew exactly how to hurt me,

And now I plunge in death into the dark, lonely sea.

What the hell is your problem? You wont stay away.

You always come back with something new to say.

Your words are said and theyre killing me fast.

To drive me over the edge is no easy task.

But I never thought Id see this day.

Even though Ill be gone, youre still gonna pay.

Like I said, this was no easy task,

But behind your innocence your evil is masked.

Because we were so close, you knew what to say,

My soul is torn, now it begins to decay.

My spirit is gone and my body is next,

I cant begin to describe the pain I feel within this simple text.

I could never say I was tired of your shit.

Because all youd do is begin to throw a fit.

Its over, its done, and Ill never be back,

I hope you get this letter so it ties you up in a sack.

Revenge is mine, though I wont be here,

I was alone in this world, and could hold nothing dear.

The pain of this life was simply too much,

Betrayal, love, hate, fear, and such.

Betrayal, hate, broken souls and fears,

Love, trust, support and tears.

Life, death, friends, and foes,

This only begins how all the bullshit goes.

Goodbye now, I'm leaving to peace,

My life has already begun to cease.

You were everything I ever was,

Nothing ever hurt me quite like this does.

I just wanted to say one final goodbye,

As my soul leaves this hell, going into the sky.

I got in a fight with my best friend today,

I felt bad after and stumbled away.

As I went to his house, someone said he was dead.

Probably because of some of the shit I shouldnt have said.

He died for the foolish actions I took,

I feel like a character within a fantasy book.

Tears fill my eyes; I know its my fault.

I feel as though my life has come to a halt.

What did I do? What did I say?

That made him take his life today?

What can I do? My head is spinning,

I guess I just felt like winning.

In that stupid fight we had,

I said just the right things to make him so sad.

We were both best friends at first,

Now we have both been cursed.

His curse is complete, mine will be next,

It is death to which we have been hexed.

He left me a haunting memory of pain,

He let me know how his soul was slain.

Its all my fault, I did it to him,

Now the light of my life has begun to dim.

There is no way to explain the guilt that I feel,

Normally when shit goes wrong I pretend the past isnt real.

Im slowly being torn up inside,

It is a pain that will not subside.

I can do nothing to make myself better,

I'm haunted by the contents of his letter.

I cheated on him, and he died for me,

Im blinded by tears and I cannot see.

The tears I shed will forever fall,

Until I find death, and it makes its call.

"What the hell was I thinking when I pushed in the knife?

Why the fuck did I want to end my life?"

You know my being was always a strife,

Which is why I decided to take my life.

The reality struck you when they told you I died.

By the way, I hope youre satisfied.

I watch these simple questions you ask,

You ask when finding the answers is a simple task.

Im watching you sit by my body and cry,

Watching you ask why I had to die.

You sit there and continue to ask me why,

You cant bring me back no matter how hard you try.

You never had a chance to say goodbye.

So the pain continues to multiply.

Its a simple question that I can answer,

My life was nothing but a plague like cancer.

They say I lost my decency,

But that was only recently.

I cried out to you and found deaf ears,

Even though I had loved you for so many years.

I have finally taken away all my fears,

You might think I jumped ahead too many gears.

You told me you would always be there,

Now I am transfixed in an ice-cold, deathly stare.

To say youre my best friend, dont you dare,

Because I am dead, doesnt mean I cant glare.

The last days of my life I was continually screaming,

But the eyes of my tormentors were consistently gleaming.

The power of this hate is constantly streaming,

But they will always be forever teeming.

From within you will always hear me screaming,

Your mind always pictures the blood on the wall that was streaking.

My eyes are torn out, so there is no peeking.

Comfort, I will always be seeking.

You will spend the rest of your own life crying,

withering away as everyone else is dying.

You hear my voice only when I am sighing,

you fail to silence it, but keep right on trying.

You continue to try to keep the pain from showing,

but its inside your chest, always growing.

You wish you could keep everyone else from knowing,

that straight to hell is where I am going.

When you sleep, I hope you dream of me,

and wake up screaming like youre drowning in the sea.

When you calm yourself, I hope you know to agree,

your happiness always eats at me.

When youre awake, I hope you remember me,

and break down to tears every time you picture me.

And then I still hope you can feel me,

and then know in your own heart that you killed me.

and I know with my heart you will sense me,

and know this is the way it always be

I hope this insanity gets to you,

and then you wont walk feeling quite so new.

I will always be tormenting you and others, too.

And you know there is nothing you can do.

And I will be there on the day of your death.

I will personally seek out your last breath.

I will try my best to tear out your heart,

Even though I know we are so far apart.

From left to right your eyes will dart,

Until I tear them out, and with the blood I will paint myself art.

My anger levels fly off the chart,

My way to hell, I have begun to depart.

You might say Ive gone fucking insane,

But at least I dont have to take this pain.

So much for living my life in the fast lane,

You try to forget me, but find it in vain.

Someone once said "you reap what you sew"

But this is something nobody will know.

From hereonout, you will always hear my voice,

It is no longer placed under your choice.

You didnt know your words possessed the power to kill,

But this curse you have, I have already fulfilled.

There is nobody you killed more than I,

This is why I made myself die.

Loneliness

Im saying everything Ive said before,

But the silence still comes as the world chooses to ignore.

Im screaming in hallowed and subliminal pain,

But in the end, I find it was all in vain.

I sit in utter loneliness, lying in the cold mist of silence,

It comes upon me harder than before; its a cold compliance.

The silence plagues me, as though it were a cancer,

I scream continually, but there is not an answer.

I will forever stay in the cold, dark loneliness.

Taken from bliss, Ive lost my angels kiss.

Through all this, I can say my heart is turning to ice,

Losing all feeling, holding life in a vice.

Manifested within me is the pain metamorphosed into darkness.

All the loneliness, the suffering, has made me heartless.

Im becoming callous, losing all feeling,

Torn from my body, my flesh is peeling.

These thoughts over all will always transgress,

Because the silence never gives me any regress.

I turn against the world because my soul is bleeding,

This faction of hate, I can only continue feeding.
Until the hate is finally satisfied,

Until then, all my morals are crucified.

I try to refrain from all the hate supplied,

I ask for alleviation, but I am denied.

When I die, I will forever burn in hell,

Yet it still hurts so bad that I cannot tell.

I am already sentenced to eternal damnation,

And I cant pull through what will forever be frustration.

But still, my only answer is the common silence,

Should I take my own life in an action of violence?

Fuck this, and fuck that, and fuck her, and fuck you.

I never had the strength in my heart to pull through.

Ive had doubts, I have failed, Ive fucked up, and Ive had plans.

Does this mean I should take my life with my own hands?

Nothing will happen, and nothing will replace

Draw in a breath, hold back a tear,

welcome to the sum of my fear.

Hold onto hope, pray its a fraud,

wind rocks the soul, oh my god.

Hold onto the picture from within the frame,

never knowing who is to blame.

You? Me? The curbs? The car?

Feel like life has drawn afar.

I know sooner or later we all have to die,

but why here? Why now? Why you? Why?

steady teardrops through the icy mist,

I whisper goodbye to my angels kiss.

So cold, so dark, it feels so alone,

I am never going back to my home.

Because I lie on the floor, my soul draining away,

there are still so many things I didnt get to say.

But nothing could stop it when it struck me down,

now the angel of death places upon me his crown.

If its of any consolence, any help at all,

I didnt see it coming before I took the fall.

All my memories running through my head,

please forgive me for all the wrong things Ive said.

its not my fault, not yours, not the gun.

Yet still, my spirit will fly higher than the sun.

I cannot be saved, leave it to the powers that be,

as though destiny, the stray bullet forced itself upon me.

I close my eyes and die in silence,

I am leaving a world that thrives on violence.

If you slit my throat, and watch me bleed,

tending to your very own needs,

and watch as I slip slowly into death,

then with one final, gasping breath:

I will apologize to you for bleeding on your shirt,

then pass away from this world of hurt.

If you put the gun up against my head,
make me tell you I wished I was dead,

I would worship the bullet before you put it through me,

I apologize: you wasted a bullet vainly.

Clear shot echoes like a whisper in the night,

tell all your friends I never put up a fight.

Entry wounds wickedness, clear shot to my brain.

You finally took away all my pain.

Hands around my neck, turning me pale,

denying my body the right to inhale.

Eyes closed, lips turned blue,

there is nothing anyone can do.

Im fading away, wholl stop you now?

I dont even want to, who gives a shit anyhow?

Im going to die, there is no doubt,

so I apologize for wasting your strength as I pass out.

Make me swallow formaldehyde,

tell your friends I committed suicide.

Tell yourself you just want to see me cry,

wake up to reality: you want me to die.

Feel contempt as I fade away,

you always knew it would be this way.

and as I choke out my very last breath:

Ill apologize for not bringing sooner my death.

Cover me completely, drench me in gas,

this is all going way too fast.

I feel as though Ill choke on the fume,

all my secrets will never be exhumed.

Strike a match, make me perish in fire,

it will burn away my every desire.

Ill burn in intensity from the hellfire heat,

you did it, you killed me, its an amazing feat.

As you watch the flames rise, going higher and higher,

I will apologize for wasting the butane in your lighter.

Push me off a cliff, make me fly.

Nothing like shedding the chrysalis to die.

It wont be a struggle, I wont fight back,

you dont have to drug me to throw me off track.

Like mandatory suicide,

you push down the lanthanide.

As I fly toward the rocks, I will not scream.

But I promise you Ill haunt your every dream.

Ill close my eyes before I hit the bottom,

and apologize to you for making you do this like its modern.

Any way you kill me, any way at all,

Ive already taken the fall.

You cant scare me with pointless threats,

cant make me contend with living death.

Dont fight someone who has nothing to lose,

I have given you just enough clues.

Touch me, and I will destroy your life,

because me alone is more brutal than any knife.

Do not fear death, fear what I can do,

no cliff, or poison, or fire, or gun will do what I will do.

And in the next life, youll see where I fell.

It is then I will join you in the pits of Hell.

Another day

Passing the gun from left hand to right.

I have decided to give up this life long fight.

Its the last decision Ill ever make,

Ive seen the last candles on my last birthday cake.

Tears roll down freely from all the pain,

thunder strikes outside, and I can hear the acid rain.

why should I have to deal with the pain of this life?

Its not worth it, Id rather end it all with a knife.

So many memories running through my head,

they all make me wish I was dead.

Will I have the courage to pull the trigger?

Will I wait patiently for my own grave digger?

I load a round into the magazine,

feeling as though it were all a dream.

Im sorry Stephanie, Im going back on my word,

my actions may allow my silent screams to be heard.

Chantelle, I promised I wouldnt go this way,

but nobody will listen to a single word I say.

Travis, get ready to piss on my grave,

my soul is lost, it cannot be saved.

Scot, you always have been my best of friends,

but eating at my heart is a wound that never mends.

I promised you all I would be okay,

so why is it all happening this way?

night after night, I have just sat and cried,

somewhere along the way, my spirit died.

From thereonout, I was nothing but a leftover shadow,

nothing left but my souls dying echo.

I place the barrel under my chin,

why is it everyone tells me I am drowning in sin?

Maybe its just because its me everyone seems to hate,

dont blame yourself when you read this, it is simply fate.

I close my eyes and fight back the fear,

now I can do ittheres nobody here.

Why do I write this? I am bidding a final farewell,

I am finding my little reserved spot in hell.

My legs are rubbery, I drop to my knees,

and I close my eyes tight and begin to squeeze.

There is a click and I scream,

shying away from deaths evil gleam.

Jesus Christ!, I forgot to load a round,

it scared the hell out of me! A machine so profound.

Created to save lives by taking that of another,

till it takes your own, or mistakenly your brother.

Images flash before my eyes,

blood on the floor as everyone dies.

Even myself, in a heap, in a pool of blood,

my parents standing around me, wishing the bullet was a dud.

Tears streak down my moms soft face,

she only wishes I have passed into grace.

Flashbacks stop, and I lay down the gun.

Is it over? Is it done?

I cry as I again walk away,

this will all be saved for another day

Were together, apart, so fucking alone.

Why bring this pain that is so much to condone?

Torn apart, betrayed, stabbed in the back.

Im a wolf who has strayed too far from his pack..

So much has changed, its so unreal.

You couldnt begin to imagine all the pain I feel.

Stripped of my best friend, Id have given my life,

I guess she did, too, cause the blood still drips off her suicide knife.

I could have handled it, could have pulled through,

But seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to do?

"Just watch", "a good witness", fuck you judge!

Of course Im holding just a small grudge.

Because our city falls under the acid pollution,

And for the hate crimes: theres still no solution.

"Im sorry son, youre going to juvi", fuck you, too.

I shouldve known better than to listen to you!

The police on my back, 24-7

Id rather die and burn in hell than live in surreal heaven.

Fuck the police, its anarchys rules,

Because the entire government was played for fools.

They think theyre high and mighty, officials of government.

So they lock me up again, fuck you, Im loving it!

They call it justice because they put me in the pen,

But right from the beginning, Id do it all over again.

They thought I would crumble when the inmate said "sup"

They thought they could teach me by locking me up.

Get my acts straight through rehabilitation,

What the fuck happened to the youth of our nation?

They thought my life was designed to be confined,

Well aint all this shit just sublime?

Fuck that, Ill live free from behind my cell,

Its bitterly sweet for me while their intentions are hell.

But theres a small faction they easily overlooked,

I spread a few sentences and get some followers hooked.

My words spread like a Gospel, a faction of hate,

Theyll drown in their ignorance cause Im labeled "inebriate"

Now the whole worlds against me, nowhere to turn.

Im lost in a maze where all angels burn.

They think because Im in trouble with the government, Ill stand morrow.

But I really have no problem with doubling my sentence tomorrow.

Swing on me, just once, and theyll all see:

My wrath is a fury, theres no other like me.

And Ill walk through both ends of heaven and hell,

Then come back for my friends with so many fucking stories to tell.

So if I sacrifice this, me, give them my word,

Why am I alone? The last of my herd?

Its fucked up aint it? But thats how it is and will be,

Because the all-powerful government has forsaken me.

"Traitor" my theme, "Criminal" my label,

If this is freedom, then watch the flag burn on the table.

No longer am I gullible, Ill never again shed my tears.

The epitome of evil has also stripped me of my fears.

Now I know the truth; its all a lie:

The government, like all else, is waiting for me to die.

Waiting till its over so they sign a release,

Apologize with no feeling because my life has ceased.

People crying cause my life was lived through hate,

My life sentence pardon came two minutes too late.

Theyre watching, waiting till I cant be a menace again,

Well fuck that, fuck you, fuck this, and fuck them.

You dont have to tell me, I know Im nothing; never was,

I just do stupid shit while you watch like everyone else does.